The first week after the diagnosis – in his words

July 4th, 2008

Went to watch the fireworks and it was good. I am still rocked by the news from my doc.  It’s hard to wrap my mind around it.  I do get a little scared, especially at night, and when my twitching really gets going.

I feel it getting worse.  My strength in my right arm is weak and messes with my writing.  Have lost much muscle and the twitching is moving more to the center of my chest and back.  I think I felt the first one in my face and that really freaks me out.

Yesterday at church the Spirit of the Lord was there … and we had two come to Christ and another recommitment.  I love Jesus more than any other earthly thing.  I’m not afraid to die.  I am afraid of dying (the process), the way this disease takes people out.  I really need prayer.  I appreciate everyone for praying for me.

Phil. 1:6 “He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”  God began a good work in me and will finish it in His time the way He wants to.  I’m crying out for healing and will get away to the mountains and wrestle with God.  I will come back with a “limp”.

I feel brokenhearted.  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them, he delivers them from all their troubles – the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”   Psalm 35:17-18

July 7, 2008

I felt a twitch in my face today and that really bummed me out.  Been reading in Is. 38 about Hezekiah’s illness and how he cried out and God heard his cries and saw his tears and gave him 15 more years.  God give me more years.  Isaiah 40:28-30… I am hoping in the Lord.  I’m hoping for renewed strength.  I want to soar like the eagles.  Run and not grow weary.  Jesus, I love you.

We are up at the Johnson’s cabin.  Everything in my head today and everything I’ve read today is about waiting on the Lord.

In the book “Andrew Murray’s Prayers” there is a page on waiting on the Lord that I turned to.  Psalm 25:5  “On You do I wait all the day.”  In everything there should be waiting on God to receive His blessing.  To see what He will do.  Allow Him to be Almighty God.  Meditate on these things and they will help you value the precious promises of God’s Word.

“Those who wait on the Lord will find new strength.  They will fly high on wings like eagles…” Is. 40:31   “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14.   In those words, Lord, I believe I have the secret of heaven’s power and joy.  I feel my need is to seek, cry out, listen and wait upon my Lord.

Father, quiet my soul to wait on you.  I will wait for the Lord.  My soul waits and in His Word do I hope.

His word is my strength and life Psalm 126:3  “The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy.  Verses 5-6 “those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.   He who goes out weeping carrying seed to sow will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with him.”

Today, I was sowing in tears and I feel like I am going to reap with songs of joy.  I’m asking God to show me a new vision and that God would use whatever I have to bring revival.  God, give me more time to see thousands come to you.  God, forgive me for my lack of concern for the sick.  I will never again be that way.

Psalm 127:3 “Sons are a heritage from the Lord.  Children are a reward from Him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons (and daughters) born in ones youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies at the gate.”

What can I say about my boys?  They are warriors.  They fight not with flesh but they fight with weapons not of this world.  They now are in battle ‘demolishing every imagination and every pretense that is trying to set itself up against the knowledge of God’.    Lord, help in this battle to ‘take captive every thought to make it obedient’ to you.

My daughter, she has godly purpose in her and a love that I see only in her mother.  She is my refreshment.  I so love to be with her.  I am watching God do so much in her.  She is such a light for people and she has an evangelists heart.

Well, time to pray.  God, show me visions.  Let me hear you tonight.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 “Watch! Stand fast in the faith.  Be brave, be strong.  Let all you do be done in love.”

 July 8, 2008

After God’s silence – what?  His silence is the sign that He is bringing me into a marvelous understanding of Himself.  God has trusted me with silence.  Thank you.

When God gives us a silence we need to praise Him.  He is bringing us into a great purpose that He has for us.  God is sovereign.

“Jesus, be the center of my life.  Be my all.”  I love this song…”be the fire in my heart.  Be the wind in these sails.  Be the reason that I live.  Jesus.”  Jesus, be my vision, Lord.  I need you to be all that and more for me.

God, today, allow me to enter your rest.  Hebrews 4.  Matt. 11:28.  Refresh and renew by your power in every aspect of my life.

It will be a good morning. I think the Lord has spoken and said that “I’ll give you grace, but it won’t be easy.  I promise you that I am sufficient.”

I want to go back down the mountain.  I need my kids at this time.  God, you gave me the best kids.  I look at them and I say “thanks and Wow!”  My grandkids I love and I hope I get the years to influence them some.  I’m praying that they will come to know You, early.

John 14:1, 27 “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me…Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you.”

Help me, Lord, to apply these promises today.

July 8, 2008 (later in the day)

Was up through the night.  Was up very early and watched the sunrise over a huge mountain up here at the cabin.  Oh, how the Word and song and what I was looking at ministered to me.

One of the things that makes God God is the transforming affect He has upon his children.  He is a restorer of broken lives.  He uses rebuilt people to advance His cause in the earth.  God, rebuild me into what you will.  You are the potter and I am the clay.  Mold me, shape me.

God, turn my head noise into prayer today so that every problem becomes and invitation to thank you and a renewal of my soul.  I want to hear that still, small voice.

July 10, 2008

I read an article about how ALS affects you and how to be progressive in each stage of the disease.  It really bummed me out because this guy was talking about wheelchairs and feeding tubes and breathing machines.  Not good.  The part I enjoyed was when he (this man who wrote the article died in 2006) talked about doing things you love to do and doing something like taking a long trip to Israel with the family.

I pray we will be able to go.

I had such a tough night last night fighting with my feelings and my mortality.  I cried out to the Lord for healing, for a great miracle.  Read the Word but felt a little numb and it was very late.  I have nothing else to cling to but the Lord.  Have had so much encouragement from people.  Thank you, Lord, for the body of Christ.  They have wept with those who weep (me and my family).

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